i need you because i love you

sometimes some little things will trigger my memory
506, peanut butter, road bikes
butter pecan
always butter pecan.
and then i will wait
for that wave of emotion to hit and overwhelm me but then it doesnt come
it always leaves me question the reality of everything that happend
and the depth of it all
and i cant help but wonder if all thats left in me is a cold empty space
or if i am just incapable of feeling?

was travelling on the train today
idly watching the expanse of green fields towering flats and glass offices race past me
when suddenly i was gripped with this intense fear
and i literally gasped in fright
it was just that sudden thought of the uncertainty of my future
how i was simply unable to see myself sitting at a desk in a suit
frantically typing away at a computer
or pouring over stacks of files..
somehow, i seemed so afraid that the only certain future i'd have would be roaming the streets in search of a job that i wouldnt even want anyway.